Best Humor |
I've been doing a lot of abstract painting
lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it. My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York. If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6". It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it. One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators. I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four." I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again. I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology...The study of milkmen. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Does the reverse side also have a reverse side? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there. |